#i'm not actually sure what kind of beads these are exactly i just used what i had on hand!

[duskgryphon]

my first time ever making a kandi cuff from yesterday! really fun to make :3

[devilledeggz]

made a tptm oc bc i had an idea in tptm server (tws for page in tags, just to be safe) [ WHETHER IT'S RAIN OR SHINE I KNOW IM FINE FOR NOW ]

info/page below cut!!

18 (almost 19 tho :]) any pronouns are ok i rlly dont care the prettiest thing at the party i aint diagnosed with a disorder but i aint exactly normal either

last seen listening to - THINGS WILL GET MUCH WORSE FROM HERE by exociety LAST UPDATED/ ??/??/202X mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn i think i'm stuck in a bad place againnnn why the hell did i sign up for so much at college??? i cant act, i cant sing, and i dont know HOW im gonna convince my weird program or whatever that i'm a good person. because im beginning to realize im kind of just. Not. like- im not 'kind out of the kindness of my heart' or anything, im kind because i like getting seretonin. my friends are ACTUALLY GOOD PEOPLE!!!! i just pretend to be one!!! i always pretend to be something because im not even sure if i am something!!!! i dont know if ANY of the hard work im gonna do will even get me higher pay than your average 9-5 job. (if i even make it that far.) because everyone is too numbed by their stupid excuse of 'it is what it is' to USE THEIR GODDAMN HEADS and realize this way of life isn't working, but i also dont know what else to do. i've gotta be Someone someday, even if im just another headline on the news anyways i got my hair done recently which at least gives me something to live for (i have to show my friends my whimsical beads :3)

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I used to think that the reason I wasn't satisfied with Izzy's death was because I was too attached to his perspective as a character and couldn't focus on the big picture of the season and the main Gentlebeard relationship enough. I mean, I was still convinced that his death and the way it was carried out was a shit writing decision, but everyone else outside the Izzy Canyon circles seemed fine with it, so I was starting to think that maybe they were right.

So I looked back on the rest of the season and rewatched the finale... And realised something that I'd been trying to ignore because it was too painful to admit. A huge part of why Izzy's death hit so hard (in a bad way, not that delicious masochistic pain of having a beloved character die a good, narratively satisfying death) was because throughout this season he was the only character who actually had a satisfying arc and development. Practically no one else did. I didn't actually care for Gentlebeard this season, not the way I cared in S1. From episode 1 to 8 and a half, Izzy's arc was crafted with more care, kindness, subtlety and narrative weight than the main Gentlebeard arc which, in comparison, felt like a string of choppy beads badly tied together in an approximate shape of an arc, but collapsed as soon as you looked at it too closely.

Yes, we all know this season suffered for being 2 episodes too short, but I don't think that's all there is to it. This is starting to feel like GoT season 8 all over again. Would it have been better if it wasn't so rushed? Maybe. Or maybe it would have been even worse because this season just didn't seem to know what to do with itself or the characters. The themes and symbolism are all over the place and completely inconsistent. Ed and Stede's characters are practically back at the same place they left in S1. All they did was bounce off the walls back and forth with no real growth. As soon as they took a step towards fixing their relationship or growing as people, they either tool three steps back or it just got dropped. Stede letting fame get to his head? Interesting and realistic development. And how was it resolved? It wasn't. Stede and Ed being whim prone? I'm glad they brought it up. And then they just fell for another whim and it was presented as a satisfying ending.

Ed went from the Kraken, to taking the first steps towards being Ed, then suddenly all the way to being Ed by way of a Night of Magical Healing Sex that he he didn't actually want to happen because he wasn't ready. And then all of a sudden he pivoted to abandoning Stede and piracy and becoming a fisherman... for 5 min. And then back to Blackbeard again because two fishermen were mean to him for 5 minutes. And then abandoning it again to open an inn. How was any of this even remotely coherent or satisfying? They didn't even have a single conversation about any of it. Ed had more proper closure and communication with Izzy during his dying scene than with Stede and the rest of the crew put together. Izzy's arc got sacrificed to do the heavy lifting for Ed's arc and became nothing more than a shortcut to speed run his character growth. Except it didn't even lead anywhere. "Ed, they're your family, they love you" no they don't, he didn't even have a single positive conversation with any of them except Fang. Of course this could have been the point, and Ed could have seen Izzy's death, his own discovery of found family and his dying words as a pretext to repair his relationship with the crew. But he just left them and stayed with Stede instead.

Sure, you could say this was only the second act of the story, and S3 will resolve everything. But the second act is still meant to move the story and the characters forward in some way. Yes, of course if we get S3, I imagine Stede and Ed's life as innkeepers won't exactly be idyllic. But the problem is that the conflicts they'd have will only be a rehash and repeat of the same conflicts they've already have, or were supposed to have, this season. Multiple times, even. We already know that Ed is simply unable to live with himself no matter what life he chooses. The title of S1 was literally "wherever you go, there you are". We already know Stede's love isn't enough to fix him. We already know their goals in life are completely opposite. Maybe they could have shown Stede realising, after his humiliating in S7, that piracy wasn't all it was cracked up to be or he isn't suited for it, and that's why he chose to leave it behind and open an inn, but that's not the explanation we were given. It was just another whim. They literally didn't learn anything this season. They had two baby conversations in E4 and E5 and didn't take anything from it, just kept doing the complete opposite of anything. "We're both prone to whims, let's take things slow" became "let's take things extremely fast by moving in together permanently and becoming entrepreneurs". They never talked about the actual, deepseated, longstanding trauma issues they needed to resolve before they could even begin to have a proper relationship. They literally got a heavy-handed glimpse in what their life would become if they just stuck together without addressing their own personal issues, and chose to do that very thing. It that's what S3 is going to address, then why were Anne and Mary part of this season instead of the next one?

I remember everyone saying they wanted Ed and Stede to reunite as quickly as possible in S2, and I get why. They have great chemistry together. The season is about them. But for it to work, spending more time apart is exactly what they needed. They needed to learn how to live with themselves and others, first. Romantic love alone can't fix you as a person. You have to fix yourself first. Community can help (as with Izzy's case), but you still have to put in the work. In retrospect, I'm glad that Izzy didn't get a love interest this season - because he wasn't ready yet, and had to learn how to have normal relationships and friendships with other people before attempting an intimate romantic relationship, lest he ended up falling head first unit another toxic mutually dependent relationship. That's what Stede and Ed should have tried too. Instead the show just ended up using Izzy's death as a quick surgical fix, robbing Ed of his agency and having to do the hard work repairing himself and his relationships with other people. There's a sad irony in getting exactly one character's arc just this, and then using it as a sacrificial lamb to patch over the main character's arc.

[honeyjars-sims]

3.26 Past in Your Present

“Johnny!” Lexie exclaims in surprise.

“Wait, you’re the PA?” Izzy asks.

“Yep,” I reply, more curtly than I intended. “Well, I guess I’ll give you the tour.”

They follow me through the lobby doors. Our footsteps are the only sound filling the hallway. Beads of sweat form on my hairline and I quickly wipe them away. 

“So are you like our boss?” Chase finally asks.

“Kind of,” I lie. 

We make it to the studio door and I swipe my badge. “I don’t know if you’ll get one of these,” I tell them. "They don’t give them out to just anyone.”

Pretty much everyone here has one, but my insecurity has put me on a bit of a power trip. A familiar feeling lately.

Once we’re on set, the group starts chatting about how cool it is. It wasn’t that long ago that I was in their spot, looking around this room in awe. Now it was just another room in the building. I guess that's progress.

Lacey and Lilly are rehearsing on one of the sets. They spot us and head over.

“Hey, Johnny!” They call.

“Hey! These are my friends Lacey and Lilly,” I tell the students.

“Oh, the students!” Lilly says excitedly. “I love when we get new staff members.”

“You’re gonna love it here!” Lacey tells them.

“I can’t believe we’re actually meeting you two!” Lexie gushes. Our eyes meet for a second and I look away abruptly. The image of her tear-stained face as she told me she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore replays in my mind every time I look at her.

“Yeah, we watch your videos all the time!” Kelsey adds. “Johnny can tell you.” Chase nudges them with his elbow.

Lacey raises her eyebrows. “Johnny, you know them?”

Everyone quiets down really quickly. “Yeah,” I say. “I was at DSV with them for a bit.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were a student!”

“Uh, well, I’m not anymore. College wasn’t really for me.”

It starts to fall silent again, but Izzy quickly intervenes.

“Well, we loved the Voidcritters video you just put out,” he tells Lacey and Lilly. “The costumes were amazing!”

They start discussing the video and I zone out, hoping that Lucy will appear so I can go somewhere and gather my thoughts. Luckily she walks in the studio while Lilly is still explaining the symbolism behind her costume.

“Oh, here you are!” Lucy says as she walks towards us. “I see Johnny is giving you guys the grand tour.”

“Yeah, I was. But I just remembered something I need to do for Damien. Are you able to take over?”

“Sure, no problem!” Lucy agrees. “It’s probably for the best, there’s no telling what this guy will tell you!”

Everyone laughs politely, like they don't already know exactly what I'm capable of. 

I exit the studio and go into the nearest bathroom. I splash my face with water, taking deep breaths as I do.

As I pat my face dry, I think to myself, It’s going to be okay. You can get through this. 

I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Khadija asking if my next appointment can be moved up. Luckily, she has an appointment available for this afternoon.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[thatkippycat]

I have the start of a Hazbin fanfic. It's not a reader, one, it's Huskerdust cuz they've had me in a chokehold lately. Here's a little snippet of it.

Knock knock.

Nothing.

Angel knows Lucifer is the king of Hell and all, but could he atleast answer the door? He decided to just wait outside. Recently, Angel has decided to give himself a little task: freeing Husk. The spider and the cat had become very good friends over the past few months, and while Angel was still trying to decipher his real feelings from the ones he thinks are real, Husk and Angel trust eachother. It shouldn't have been a surprise when Husk finally talked about his contract with Alastor. What Angel wasn't expecting was Husk beginning to break down.

Angel didn't see Husk cry, no, Husk locked himself in his room before that, but Angel could tell. He'd been through enough of them to know the signs. That night, Angel decided help Husk out. As a friend, of course. Angel was sure Husk would do the same thing for him if he had the chance. It's just what friends do.

Angel knocked on the door again, and this time actually heard something. Granted that something was the very clear sound of someone yelping and falling out of a chair onto, Angel thought it sounded like rubber ducks but that couldn't be right. Angel stood up straight as who he could only assume was the big man himself scrambled for the door.

"Shit shit shit. Heeeyyyyyy, how's it going, um, Angel right?"

"Right. I'm fine, but I need some help with some-"

"Say no more!"

After Lucifer interrupted Angel, he kicked a rubber ducky that had fallen out of his pocket back into the room before slamming the door.

"So, what is it you need?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could help me with a...project."

"What kind of project?"

"Well, I don't want to talk about it out here. I don't know if he's listening."

"Who?"

"Y'know, the guy you hate."

"..."

"The hotelier."

"..."

"Alastor."

"OH! Yeah, come on in then."

"Thanks."

Angel walked into the room after Lucifer opened the door again. Maybe that comment about the sound not being a rubber duck was wrong, as there were hundreds strewn across the room. Lucifer lead Angel over to a desk, where the two demons sat down.

"Right, so what is it you needed?"

"I want to get Husk out of his contract with Alastor. I know I should probably focus on getting mine gone first, but Husk..."

"Ahhh, I see I see. Contracts are usually easier to mess with when you don't have one yourself, so we should probably get you freed first, and then focus on your boyfriend."

"Woah, Husk is not my boyfriend."

"Really? Huh, guess my intuition's a bit rusty, eh? Anyways, I want you to know now that this will be very difficult, and in the end, you both may not even end up truly free. I can try to work my magic, but there's no guarantee. I'm not even sure if I could remove the contract."

"I know, but I have ta try. For Husk."

"Alright. To start off with, I'm going to need your contract. Do you know where your boss keeps it?"

"In his room. I think, anyways. Asshole usually keeps em in his office but I'm his 'special toy.' Problem is that I can't exactly get in there without getting fucked in both senses of the word."

"Yikes. Maybe I could... interrupt?"

"Didn't know you were into that stuff."

"Noooo nononono no. I meant I could come to the tower and request an immediate meeting while you two are...you know, he'll need to leave to see me. I am the king of Hell, after all."

"How would ya even know when to show up?"

"Here, take this."

Lucifer grabbed a bracelet from his desk and handed it over to Angel. A collection of pretty beads with a little duck charm in the middle, all cool to the touch, adorned a black cord.

"A... bracelet?"

"The little ducky charm in the middle will let me know if you tap it. Honestly, probably the most useful duck I've made."

"So I get Val in bed, tap the duck, you distract him, and I get the stuff. Then what?"

"Leave?"

"Problem with that is Val would murder me if I ran."

"...Not if he can't."

"Heh?"

"Well, if we can get you back to the hotel quick enough and get your contract taken care of, we may be able to stop him. He wouldn't want to stand up to the king and princess of Hell, after all."

"Yeah, he wouldn't. Damn this might actually work."

"Let me know when you're ready, Angel. I'll be there to bail you out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my other projects."

---------

That's all I have for right now wich kinda sucks cuz I wanna show off more, but hey, I'll make sure to post updates when I get the first part finished!

[saltwaterandstars]

Just a heads up - this post is me musing on what I want to happen when I die (which, hopefully, won't be for many years yet!)

So, mr hag and I did a strange thing yesterday - we went to a woodland burial ground to look around, to try to make a decision about what we want to happen when we die. This was triggered by us wanting to update our wills - the friend who's agreed to be our executor asked for some details about what we want to happen when we die, which neither of us could provide. I thought I'd make a post about it because, certainly in the uk at least, we're really bad at talking about death. And also because I'm kind of excited about what I've decided on?!

For a bit of context, I'm in my late 50s and mr hag is in his early 60s, so thinking about our deaths and funerals perhaps feels a little more relevant to us than the average tumblr user, though of course, who knows? Also, both my parents and mr hag's are dead, as is my only sibling, and I arranged three of those funerals and spoke at four of them, so I have a fair amount of experience of death and funerals in my (british, non-religious, white, working class) immediate family.

The most common thing to happen in the uk is for people to be cremated and to have a brief service at a council run crematorium, unless the deceased/their family is religious, which is much less frequently the case than in the US, I think. In my experience, often those brief services are a bit Christian (e.g. there are hymns), but more as a default because people are unsure what else to do. That is changing, and there has been an increase in 'celebration of the person's life' type services in recent years, but honestly, none of the funerals I've been to have really been in a venue or a form I'd like for me or Mr Hag, except that a close friend who died five years ago organised for her ceremony and burial to be at the place we visited yesterday.

So, we both really liked the place. It's out in the countryside and mostly consists of grassy fields with trees planted in them, rather than actual woodland. It's peaceful, there were lots of birds around and in the summer (I saw it in June when my friend died), it's a bit more meadowy, with wild flowers. When we were there yesterday, we saw a guy about our age sitting on a folding chair he'd brought with him, eating a huge sandwich, and talking animatedly to whoever was buried next to where he was sitting - it felt very friendly and informal and I could imagine doing exactly the same thing.

You can be cremated or buried there, you can have religious services of various flavours, you can have secular ceremonies, but I also think they'd be open to my flavour of non-theist pagan strangeness. I mean, they did have some standing stones dotted about the place, so I took that as a sign :-)

So, we've decided on the place, but we still need to decide on the form of what happens. Mr Hag isn't sure what he wants yet, but when I saw the place again, I was suddenly really clear that I want to be buried in a wicker coffin, and (I appreciate this might sound really strange), I've got very excited about the idea of grave goods! I have a lot of thinking to do about what I want to be buried with, but what's the point of it all if I can't leave this world channelling well-loved neolithic woman/warrior/queen, adorned with amber beads and strings of shells, wearing a beautifully embroidered something or other, and holding a small silver badger or something else that will utterly baffle future archeologists?!

I don't know if I'm the only person in this little corner of tumblr who's thinking about these things, but if you have thoughts on funerals you've been to, ideas of what you'd like for yourself when the time comes, any of that stuff, please do feel you can comment xx

[fandomconsumesme]

Rambling as to make sense of DTAMHD, tw ed and klinsky reference, this is horrifically long but i promise i'm going somewhere with it

I gotta say, watching it the first time I was fairly disappointed (The acting and episode were great, just wasn't sure how I felt about it as a finale) But having spent time to process, i would say this does its job as a Dennis catharsis episode, particularly symbolically

Starting off, Dennis has been almost scarily normal this season, or about as normal as Dennis can be (catfishing your roommate into using xl anal beads), not creeping on women, not getting fed up with the gang all the time, working with them in a familial manner again. Shockingly, it seems he's doing pretty good, and growing into himself

Like at the beginning of the episode, he's actually going to a doctor and apparently everything looks normal. Either this doctor immediately needs to be disbarred, or Dennis has been doing better taking care of himself, an unheard of concept

4. Dennis has a desperate fear of getting old, willing to do anything to prove himself still valuable, something to be desired, both connected to his childhood abuse by Mrs. klinsky, a way of rationalizing that it was okay because Dennis is special, just more developed, and his tenuous relationship with his mother where he was the golden boy, but emotionally separated from her due to drug abuse.

5. Dennis' mind scenario thing starts right after the title sequence i think, and we pretty much immediately get his interpretation of the gang and how he sees them.

6. Charlie is childlike, confused over the concept of sea level, and Dennis has an almost patronizing view of him, not understanding how he's this way if they are so similar

7. Frank brings up the family style cooking, the point of the pressure cooker, but dennis and the gang are in two different places, and the only reason they called was the sea level thing. Dennis sees the gang as a family, but feels like an outsider

8. Dee is reasonable and kind, backing Dennis up, supporting his decision for a mental health day, but seems to lack understanding as to why Dennis is doing this, a fundamental disconnect

9. Mac is always in view, all of him, the focus of the call. Dennis stays watching him, even though he says nothing particularly relevant in the scene. The whole of him appearing also has interesting implications of Dennis knowing who mac is, but he can only get a picture of the other members of the gang for a few seconds at a time. Mac is his constant.

10. To continue that thread, the other members are always yanking the phone towards them, stopping Dennis from being able to interact with him, but Dennis always knows where he is.

11. Frank is an asshole, diminishing Dennis' problems, acting like they don't exist, and as a much smarter person noted here, dennis' watch starts beeping the moment he starts talking.

12. Mac is also patient, cautious of Dennis' boundaries and doing exactly what he has to to make dennis feel safe.

13. Dennis is insistent on it being his mental health day and none of them participating, but as becomes evident later, the day is miserable BECAUSE they aren't there to back him up and support him. Dennis tries to stay away because they make things complicated, but they make things complicated by causing him to have big feelings.

15. He also gets repeatedly annoyed by very little things, like downloading an app or not getting the precise tea he wanted, but then calms by blaming it on the system (system seems like such a familiar word in the context of dennis and his thoughts... I wonder what it could be referencing lol) So all of those little inconveniences that stop Dennis from doing what he wants, can in fact be attributed to the system. Not only does he acknowledge it's the system, but also that he isn't the only victim, that others suffer because of it.

16. The tsuma blares the song when he opens the door in the parking lot, and he's so focused on stifling it that he doesn't notice he's just made a mistake that will hurt him in the long run.

17. On the French dip, dee once again works in conjunction to Dennis, encouraging them not to eat it. Charlie is afraid of Dennis' wrath, but Mac wants for Dennis to come home and be happy. Mac tries to reassure dennis.

18. Overall an aggravating phone call, but the moment he turns it off there are almost reactionary consequences, a police car pulling him over.

19. Dennis comes up with his own metaphors for what he's going through in his mind, likening himself to a pressure cooker.

20. He also has Dee and Mac decide not to call because they want him to have a successful mental health day and respect his boundaries, but frank continues to belittle

21. Along the lines of 16, "Dennis' true self is the tsuma" theory, he goes into a fit of rage when he can't communicate with his car. Dennis is comfortable in the car, but when he exits he puts on a mask, and now can't get back in.

22. The true DENNIS System,

D-Deliver me from this as in get me out of having to demonstrate value

E-Engage with human as in wanting a real connection rather than a physical one

N-Nancy(boy)/Neighbor/Nightmare/Never ending as in repeatedly nurturing dependence in a way that hurts him with the wrong people

N-NIGHTMARE/Never gonna help me as in even worse than the first n, and him knowing that it only hurts to neglect emotionally

I-Is this real as in the potential of something real with inspire hope

S- Somebody help me as in him wanting to escape the system

23. By my reckoning there are 3 people the ceo could symbolize, those being Frank, mac, or Dennis as a mask.

a. Frank because he is so oblivious, able to live a live of lounging at the beach, but it was his actions and neglect which have led to Dennis being trapped in his own prison. The frank is an older figure, and it makes sense for the diamond to be derived from his heart as he is his offspring in a sense. Dennis is reclaiming his sense of free will, taking back control so he can live a life that isn't predestined by his upbringing. The hand on the chest is trying to make frank understand, dennis still gets the pleasure of violent retribution though.

b. Mac is the one orchestrating the pressure cooking of the diamonds, explains the extreme homoeroticism of the scene. The systems have been created to protect himself from mac, mac is allowed to lounge because he has found peace with himself (MFHP) Dennis wants that for himself, and receives it from mac. Mac reaches out first, at the encouragement of dennis, but is pushed away so dennis can show his appreciation, upon which mac looks shocked. They clearly understand and have sympathy for one another. A love song is playing, and dennis takes mac's purest essence for himself, showing how intertwined they are. Mac is left unhurt because it was about the gesture, not the carnage.

C. Dennis as a mask, or what Dennis has made himself into to survive, lounges because he has been given control over the inner dennis. He has created all of the systems, and tsuma is his, made into a form that he can control for his own benefit. Dennis is his own worst enemy, and seeks to deconstruct this unfeeling being in order to find himself. He has a touching moment with himself, where mask dennis realizes that it is necessary that true dennis come to power. explains the homoeroticism because of narcissism, and ultimately true dennis decides the most humane thing he can do is leave behind mask dennis, killing him gently and taking his heart, condensing it into a diamond that symbolizes his innate goodness and incorporating it into true dennis.

I personally think it's a mixture of all three, but regardless this IS Dennis' catharsis. The motifs are there (crying, a powerful body of water) and dennis takes back control, actively choosing to be better. it's different, but it's still there.

24. In the end, when it's all revealed to be a glimpse into Dennis' mind and he's lowered his blood pressure, it's not because he's won per say. before the title, Dennis was keying up for some kind of angry meltdown, but he takes a moment and thinks better. i wouldn't say Dennis has had just one catharsis, but a million little ones in his mind since the season started, a million little choices to be kinder, more patient, better. He calms down and has found at least a temporary solution to his problem (The kratom doesn't hurt either) dennis has gotten so much better with interacting with others this season tbh, and to continue that to an extent would stop him from being the dennis we all know and love, sleazy and manipulative. And what he loves, what he knows will help him, is to be with the gang, his family. And he makes the choice to go to them too.

Remember, there is a structure. It will be fulfilled. (And if it isn't, at least we have FVR and Tends Bar)

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

Miami Vice S2E3: Whatever Works

A spate of ritual murders leads back to a gang of dirty cops.

Okay: we have to address the elephant in the room first, which is "this is an episode about a historically maligned minority religion." In the grand scheme of Crime Show Episodes About Santería (yeah), I actually think they did genuinely try to be thoughtful and sensitive. This is not Starsky and Hutch Go to Voodoo Island. On the positive side, no one implies Santería is about devil-worship or blood drinking or human sacrifice, we have a respected college professor who is also a practitioner, Castillo knows enough about the religion to respectfully involve himself in some of its practices, and we are explicitly told that the murderers are going against the wishes of their gods to do murder. Also, it is strongly implied that Santería is just, y'know. Completely and totally real. On the other hand, the murderers are adherents, and we learn that the rituals they are doing alongside the murders are to, essentially, prevent the souls of the dead from ever resting, so they're not exactly painting their religious practices very kindly there. I will admit to significant ignorance on the topic of whether or not any of the terms they use are correct (or just total made up bullshit), but I did note that the man Castillo speaks to is referred to as an "orisha," which I'm pretty sure means spirit or god? So either they mistook orisha to mean priest, or uhhhh Castillo communed with a traditional Yoruba deity.

Basically: it's a bit of a mixed bag, but it could've been so, so much worse.

Also the episode opens on THIS image, which really has a hell of an impact:

When the body is discovered at the beginning of the episode, there are a bunch of beat cops who basically react to this by saying "oh, they want a war? Good, let's give them a war and kill everyone." Castillo, with distressing mildness, is like "don't, please." Broski I know you are the commanding officer but also they are not going to listen to you, here.

Castillo and Rico speak briefly on their concern that these are ritual Santería killings, and Trudy asks the pair of them for clarification. She seems to accept that of course weird-and-spooky Castillo would know about this sort of thing, but appears deeply baffled that Rico does.

A bland 80's lady we never see again emerges from Sonny's boat as Sonny does... maintenance? In what are essentially his undies; she requests a call back and he strongly, cheerfully implies that is unlikely to happen. Later he picks up a bikini top from the deck and carries it around like someone left their dirty socks on board.

Sonny looks like he has no pants.

A bureaucrat "from the city" comes to repossess Sonny's Ferrari, and Izzy appears and menaces the man with a fish, and calls him, I think, "su-su-suit-io," in reference to the Phil Collins song. Sonny's car is repossessed despite this incredible show of force.

I had forgotten that this is the episode where Sonny and Rico roll around on the ground like they forgot where their own legs and guns are

So suave, so capable

Sonny is a dick about all the religious stuff; when they go to visit Castillo's friend who is a Santería practitioner (the illustrious Eartha Kitt) he says something along the lines of "a closet full of dolls and beads," and "what is this, some kind of get-even religion?" It's not his finest hour

I desperately want to know the backstory for how Castillo and Chata met

Sonny asks Izzy at one point in this episode, "are you out of your patootie?" Which I have to assume is accidental dad-speak slipping out

The coolest man on TV though, right, right

Two of the dirty cops pull over two young men in a Porsche, and everything goes as badly as it possibly could: the police are paranoid because of the murders, and immediately brandish their guns for what appears to be a routine traffic stop; the men being pulled over react with equal foolishness and threats of violence and try to pull a weapon of their own; the cops panic and kill the occupants of the vehicle in cold blood before anyone even has a chance to speak. Bystanders see this and run down the beach in terror as the victim's head leans lifelessly on the windshield wiper lever, and the cops continue to just stand with their guns in hand.

In the next scene, Sonny states-- "bad cops, Rico. There isn't anything lower--" he's reacting to news of their embezzlement. However, from an audience perspective its clear that these officers, who we just saw play judge, jury, and executioner on two young men for, presumably, driving somewhat badly, are corrupt on every single level-- and just like with real world mobsters, the only reason they're getting caught is because of the money.

At the bar, Rico orders a virgin colada, because he's cute as heck

The "house band" at the bar is The Power Station, and one of the Duran Duran boys practically palms Sonny's face while they're talking

Also I know the actual intention here was "oh, hey, did the two of you each separately get married to individual women since last I saw you," but like

That's how you choose to phrase that, huh

Rico (correctly) implies Sonny cannot be trusted to watch the dirty cops and tried to gently warn him off making trouble; Sonny starts a fucking bar fight, which The Power Station blithely plays through. This should be noted comes after Castillo explicitly tells Sonny and Rico not to let them know they're under investigation. Womp womp

What follows is an absolutely haunting scene-- rather than taking their frustration out on (white, Southern, good 'ol boy) Sonny who actually started the fight, the (also white) dirty cops follow Rico home, tailing him across jurisdictions to the strains of Dark Night by the Blasters, a song that opens:

Hot air hangs like a dead man From a white oak tree

It's a punch in the gut-- and a stark reminder that cops, on the whole, protect those in their midst who abuse power and use it for their own gain, and will turn on any "good" cops in rather than ever give up the ability to abuse those privileges. We realize that Rico is in no less danger as a Black cop as he is as a Black man; while he manages to bluff them off him, but the moment is one of genuine terror.

In order to get closer to the murderer, Castillo has Chata introduce him to another practitioner. She says he must be vetted by the orisha first; Castillo goes to an undisclosed location full of jungle plants and strange animals, and has a mystical staring contest with a man who steps out of a stone ruin. There is a cow on a stairway. That is not where cows belong.

I do not know that this sequence is any more or less inaccurate than other depictions of Santería in other TV, but it is certainly more interesting

We learn that the reason the Santería-practicing gangsters have been killing the dirty cops is because the dirty cops kidnapped one of the gangsters' children

When Castillo tells Sonny he has dealt with his car and he should be able to get it back now, Sonny straight up looks him he's going to suck Castillo's dick about it

While waiting to bust the dirty cop gang, Sonny and Rico are harassed by an old woman who thinks they're the actual for-real power company, and the two of them just chuckle like idiots about it

I sincerely hope this is a dummy but..... I think it might just be John Diehl hoping desperately he doesn't die

[gallavich-annise]

Shameless Rewatch Thoughts! 

Cascading Failures 

So, funny story... The first time I watched through Shameless (she says as if it were years ago and not *checks notes* about 10 months), it was mostly while my husband was out. But as I got more obsessed I gouged out more time for it. The first time my husband was in the room for most of an episode (playing on his iPad or something rather than actively watching) it was 3.06. Obviously. I got some *Looks*.

While watching it this time round, he came home and walked in during the ben wa bead bit. Obviously. 😐

But anyway. Listening to South Side rules' episode about 2.11 (Thanksgiving) they pointed out that most of the episode is quite 'meh' but the last 15 minutes is phenomenal so you remember it for that. 3.06 is kind of like that. There's a lot of emotional punch to the Gallaghers being split up, and the storylines around their respective foster homes, and Fiona trying to rally Frank to get them all back home... Some of it is sad, some is played entirely for laughs. It's a decent episode, mostly, but none of it was amazing... And then there's that scene, which is mostly what makes the episode memorable. 

I'm gonna talk about it a little bit, so read with care.

The episode opens with the scene of all the kids being taken by Britney from DCFS (or is it CPS or CWS? It seems to vary... But the people what take neglected/abused kids into foster care). 

As usual, it's unclear exactly how much time has passed from last episode, because Shameless doesn't believe in continuity. I would say "a few hours" except that later in the episode, Mickey seems remarkably sprightly for someone who's been shot in the ass the previous day. So, using the time traveller theory, it was a few hours for the Gallaghers, but Mickey got to recuperate for a week or two in a different timeline. 

But I've barely started and I'm already digressing.

Fiona is distraught. She wants to know where the kids will be sent, but Britney can't/won't provide that info. In the van, the kids are sanguine and blase about the whole thing until they learn that their placements will be different to usual. The faces on those kids... All four of them from Lip to Carl just heart-breaking. As were the goodbye hugs from Lip and Ian... 

This bit is really powerful because throughout two and a half seasons the Gallaghers have been a unit. Yes we had the Lip nonsense in season 2, but they generally stick together when there's a crisis. So seeing them pulled apart like this is beautifully done. It really emphasizes how much they need each other. 

The placements vary nicely, so they each give a different angle on the system and its flaws. Ian and Lip get the Draconian prison-like group home, and Lip is able to quickly get the lie of the land and start making "friends" because he's got the nous to do that. Ian looks lost the whole time, the poor baby. I'm glad he at least had Lip. 

Carl and Liam get placed with the gay couple, and Carl is mainly used for comic relief this episode. I had remembered his "does shit ever get stuck to your dick" question as being later in the episode, but it's actually the first thing he says to his "foster gays". 

I liked about half of the stuff with this part of the story. I loved that Carl's status as a menace continues with his curiosity about homosexuality... Which manifests as him making highly inappropriate comments, asking invasive questions and sneaking into their room to watch their porn. I loved Carl stealing their stuff and running to V... And V gently but firmly returning him, in part because she knows what it's like to have a foster kid run away. I also loved Carl trying to make it so the couple don't want to adopt them by peeing on the couch (and blaming Liam) and getting Liam to draw on everything. 

(And the little wink he shares with Fiona over that when she visits is *everything*.)

I wasn't sure what to make of the foster parents themselves... It's a lot taking on two kids at once when you've never parented, and so I'd err on the side of giving them some grace, though really they needed to be supervising Carl better if he got into their porn stash for long enough to see a good amount of it... These are new kids in your house! Try and get to know him a bit and set some boundaries before leaving him to run free, maybe?! At the same time, the show wanted me to laugh at them and I didn't like the way it did that. There was some stereotyping going on with a lot of it, and they weren't fleshed out enough for me to overlook it. And also just "We've been on the lookout for a biracial baby for a while" is... a line that gave me some feelings. And them being all "We're planning to adopt you" from the start when they've *just* been taken from their home is just... Grossly insensitive in a way that seemed unnecessary. Given that Shameless is really good at making me root for flawed, fully realised characters who suck, these guys were caricatures and that sucked.

We never do find out if V keeps the stuff that Carl stole, either. 

Debbie, meanwhile is placed with "mama Kamala" who has probably over a dozen kids in her house? Hard to say, but it's a lot. Britney is even uncertain, but gets brushed aside and then Debbie gets her stuff stolen and ends up working as daycare. So little changed for her. Her resignation is total and terribly sad. Poor baby Debbie. 

But all is not lost, she is resourceful and manages to at least get a message to Fiona with her whereabouts, and we get another lovely sisters moment on the stairs outside the house. Debbie doesn't tell Fiona what's up... I find that tragic and realistic all at once. Because Debbie will know that if Fiona tries to report it, it's just as likely to backfire. Debbie wanted comfort (and Hershey's kisses) but she doesn't want Fiona to worry about her. Given how often the adults in her life let her down, it's all very real for Debbie, and I love her and want to give her a big hug.

I hate that mama Kamala is a black woman. And the guy running the group home Ian and Lip are in is a black man. Could we have some diversity without it being in villain roles, please?! Ugh. Plus the villain roles are, again, caricature-y. They aren't fleshed out people, they're just obstacles for our favourites. The show does so well in places at making nuanced characters that this felt extremely lazy, having not one but four lazily written characters just because we needed to split up the family unit. 

Lip and Ian fare okay. Ian's got his work, and Lip goes off for community service. Mandy finds Lip while he's out cleaning graffiti and we see that while he did make an effort to make things up to her, he hasn't really changed... He either didn't think of telling Mandy where he was, or he actively avoided doing so. But when she challenges him and he kind of goes into an entirely valid "I need not to get in trouble at this group home", he *does* relent when he sees her disappointment and offers to sneak her in. Which is kinda sweet. It's an improvement. In his understanding, even though I think he was entirely justified in not wanting to piss off the group home people. 

The rest of what we see from Lip is just his adaptability. He's cocky and arrogant, which pisses off the group home guy, but he covers for Ian when Ian's absent, and he has made connections really fast. 

Ian... Well, as I said Ian starts out being a lot more 'fish out of water' about the whole thing. And he ends up ranting at Mickey about it while they work at the Kash and Grab. Mickey "subtly" asking if he fucks anyone at the group home... Maybe jealousy again, maybe genuine concern for Ian. I feel like his nonchalance in this scene is maybe covering a lot, but he does seem more relaxed than he sometimes does. 

Honourable mention for one of my favourite quotes (and the title of my blog)

"Was I just invited to a sleepover"

"Fuck you is what you were invited to"

And Ian's little gleeful face. 

Then there's the sleepover, and it's just one scene but... It shows so much of how they are at this point! Mickey's little looks, and their stupid conversation about Seagal and Van Damme. So dumb. So teenagers doing normal teenager things. It's sweet! 

I have seen takes from people saying they didn't know Mickey liked Ian until season 4... And it might well be because I had the advantage of knowing they were endgame before I started, but... Those looks in that scene, I feel like he's clearly not as indifferent to Ian as he seemed/pretended in season 1 and even 2. I think this was the point where any of my lingering Mickey doubt vanished. The little smile and the shared cigarette? They needed this for a million years. 

Of course they don't get it. 

The next morning is classic TV "look they're happy, something terrible is about to happen". And yeah, do I wish Ian wasn't a dick about Mickey sweetly sharing a kink? Obviously... But it feels realistic to where they were and where they were going before... Terry walks in. 

Ugh. 

So I'm sure you all know what happens here so I'm gonna talk about details rather than the broad events, and if you want to skip, I've put *** before and after.

***

In season 3, Shameless got much more sporadic with its use of odd cuts and freeze frames, but it returns to it here... and I can't tell if it was an attempt to increase the tension or lessen it. There's close-ups of Terry and slow motion moments that do make it clearer what's happening, rather than it happening too fast, like when Mickey jumps on Terry's back. And the scene is horrific regardless, but I didn't like the weird cuts and freezes... I felt like it was trying to make the scene feel cartoonish. 

The acting is, as ever, phenomenal. The faces are heart-breaking. Ian and Mickey are heart-breaking.

I tried to watch Svet more this time, as I couldn't remember much about her in this scene. Her makeup is overdone and she looks uncertain, but schooled. Hiding what she feels about the whole thing. Which is fine... It's hard to know how much they had planned for Svet from the start. She becomes a character later on, but here is she just Terry's tool. Ugh. The me that's read "The Russian" wants more from her in this scene, but it's hard to show a character's internal world in a two minute scene with no dialogue and where the focus is (very rightly) on the two established characters who are having the worst day of their lives. 

Ugh.

I hate it. Hate Terry. The drama is... A lot. It's intense and it made me feel a lot of things, and the consequences through the rest of the season result in some really powerful scenes. But I hate it. I hate that it's another "look men can be raped too" scene. I hate that the two scenes are sandwiched between goofy scenes with Carl and the foster gays, a stupid scene with Frank and Sheila at parenting classes, and the bullshit with Kev, V, and V's mum. The emotional whiplash is almost worse than the scenes themselves. Almost. 

If I'm honest, I also hate that it's so quick... Not that I'd want it drawn out, or hyper-realistic either, but it's just... Not how anything works. I don't know. I go back and forth, because it gets its point across and hyper-realism would be worse here by a long long way, but drama is strongest when you have a chance to process it and the setting and scene set up here doesn't show the direct aftermath or consequence, which might have been more powerful than the scene itself (Mickey's facial expression as he turns away from Ian notwithstanding).

Anyway... I don't want to think or dwell on it any more. So. Moving on. 

***

I don't really want to leave Kev and V for last, but I'm gonna because I feel like I have to follow that up with Fiona and Frank to avoid the same kind of emotional whiplash that the show leaned into. 

Fiona... Well Fiona has a hard time this episode, obviously. She's so worried about her siblings and she does a wonderful job. Jimmy shows up again after running off last episode and the fact that he slept with Estefania doesn't come out, obviously... He just kind of rallies to help Fiona in all the ways he can. It's a bit like 2.11 again, actually, where he was there as a support for Fiona that she desperately needed. Jimmy Steve at his absolute best.

As I suggested, timing is very weird, because it seems like the CPS people wouldn't leave the kids overnight if they thought it was an awful situation, but this has a very 'morning after' feel. I know it was supposed to be early morning and everything looked really bad when Britney came in, so maybe it all got dealt with really quick, and they never say what time Fiona's shift is, but I find it hard to believe that she dealt with all that then still had time to go to work and only be a few minutes late. For one thing they'd have had to call all the daycare kids' parents, and Mandy to get Molly, and get Mickey out... So it all feels weird.

We get a moment with Fiona and Jimmy Steve. He is now here for her, with the implication that they'll talk about their argument later. It's quite nice, actually... This is him rallying for her like he should have been in the previous episode. It does make it seem like all he needed to get over his dad was having sex with Estefania, which isn't a great look, but everything he does this episode is good. He is there for Fiona, drives her and Frank around as needed, and helps in the house. He can't do much more, so he does well. I do dislike that he used the "silver lining, the house is empty" line... Though he takes the "not right now" gracefully, at least. 

The stuff with Fiona's grocery store job gets wrapped up in a single scene, which is another of those lazy writing corner cuts that makes the whole arc seem pointless. She asks Bobby for time off to go see DCFS and he threatens to tell them she turns up drunk if she doesn't quit. The end. What did we get out of that arc except for a few daft blow job jokes? Was it just something to keep Fiona occupied until the bombshell hits? It felt a bit cheap, and sad that Bobby doesn't get any kind of just desserts, but ultimately things move off pretty quick and I don't care too much.

The scene with Frank and Fiona at the Alibi is another scene that felt kind of truncated. It works because William H Macy and Emmy Rossum make it work, rather than because the script gives it the space it needs. But the dialogue seemed to skip a couple of levels between Fiona "asking relatively politely" and "completely losing her shit"... It worked fine because Fiona's obviously going to be stressed and heightened... But it could have worked better with a bit more escalation. 

Upshot is Frank will get back in the house in return for getting sober long enough to get the kids back. Which is what he wanted all along, the obnoxious horrific bastard. Fuck you, Frank. 

Shout out to the amazing exchange: 

"First I would like to be treated with the respect which I deserve."

"i believe I'm already doing that!"

They go to Frank's dodgy lawyer, who I think is mostly pointless in this episode? I'm not sure why they needed her... But she tells them to file a petition to reinstate custody and stay clean for a drug test, and get someone to pretend to be Monica. 

Frank asks Sheila, and she initially refuses because at the beginning of the episode Frank LEAVES HYMIE ALONE IN THE HOUSE. On a bed. Not even in a cot... Just on a bed. A baby who's possibly old enough to roll over. Just... Fuck you Frank! Obviously Hymie is fine, but I had to do the "it's fiction, the baby's fine" breathing exercises. Fuck you Frank!!! (It was because he thinks he has to flee Chicago before aunt Ginger's body gets dug up, but Fiona tells him that's sorted).

So I get why Sheila is reluctant to help! But I'm glad she comes round because, as Fiona and Jody point out it isn't for Frank, it's for the kids. And Sheila is generally kind to them. 

The rest of that part of the story is very meh. There's some daftness, Frank and Sheila attempting to be charming to DCFS. The parenting classes could have been a fun place to explore Sheila's feelings about Karen, but it does it in a shitty and very truncated way, entirely for laughs, and felt muddled. I liked the line where Frank says "children come pre-wired, your parenting has nothing to do with it." Not because it's true, but because it's very Frank: It's not my fault they're just like that. And because it was him actually trying to make Sheila feel a bit better, even if it's very misguided. I don't think Sheila is entirely responsible for Karen's behaviour, but I don't think parents are powerless to change their children's outlooks either.

The only bit of that whole sequence I actually found funny, despite it trying, was the bit where Frank takes a valium and has to cheat the drug test, so he pees in a cup, takes the valium, holds the pee in his mouth and then spits it into the test cup later. Like, gross. Super gross! But kind of genius Frank. I don't know that it would actually work, because the valium was presumably in his mouth just before the wee, so it might depend how sensitive the test is? But realism aside, it made me laugh. 

The scenes with just Fiona, and where she visits her siblings are where the emotional impact of the episode really hits hardest. The time lapse of her tidying the house is very effective because it shows how hard it is and how long it takes and how the result is... Not a whole lot better. Mood. The visits with Carl and Liam, and with Debbie are sweet and sad. The visit with Ian and Lip is beautiful because they hug her and reassure her that they're okay. That they'll be okay and she doesn't need to worry about them... Because they're old enough to know that she's doing what she can. It's kind of like Debbie, though it's sadder with Debbie because she's a lot younger. But with Ian and Lip we also get Frank saying "nothing for your old man" and Ian flips him off as they walk away. Because even though they don't yet know how much it's Frank's fault, it's still Frank's fault that they're there.

The Fiona and Jimmy bits are pretty good, because Fiona is reeling, and she berates herself for her pity party... Jimmy could turn it around on her with his she reacted to his self-pity... but I think he's realised that the situations are different. It's nice. It's so frustrating that he lies so much and so pointlessly, because in these moments I see what they could have been together and... Fiona deserves to have someone who'll be a partner to her like he is in these moments. 

One of those scenes contains the "I don't mean to be an asshole it's just genetic" bit, and... Like Lip with Mandy last episode, that is not an actual apology, Fiona. But I don't think Jimmy really apologised to her either, and he really needed to... But that aside they've made up and he's been sweet and lovely. I feel like if the Estefania stuff had been done better, I would have a lot more conflicted feelings about everything that is to come with them.

Fiona talking to Britney is also really good, because Britney seems like a good person trying to do a hard job, who's new and doesn't understand all the realities. She starts out with a by-the-book view, and Fiona shows her those realities and she softens a lot. It's really nicely done. And then at the end she lets Fiona sneak a listen to the call that reported them... And the episode ends on Emmy Rossum's incredible performance as she subtly reacts to working out that it's Fucking Frank. It's a powerful cliffhanger. Both times it's made me really excited to see next episode.

So know I just have Kev and V and I'm gonna try and keep this brief because I didn't like this plot, and I especially didn't like that it was squished into this episode where it undermines all the drama, and takes time away from stuff that really needed more of it. 

Basically V decides that the turkey baster didn't work so Kev needs to fuck her mom. Which they do in the episode. Twice. 

And... I just fucking don't know where to start with that. Firstly, the line about how Carol always throws up the day after she gets pregnant?! Is such bullshit. That is not how anything works. I can understand if they didn't want to drag out the "trying to get pregnant" story given that timelines on this show are bullshit, but it feels like they are claiming the turkey baster and both times Kev and Carol fuck in this episode is the same ovulation cycle and I just... Can't... Fathom who thought this plot was a good one? There are some moments where I half-heartedly snort-laughed at the absurdity, but mostly it's awkward and unpleasant and entirely unnecessary. 

I also hate that V pushes on despite her own obvious discomfort because she believes not being able to foster again (she asks her case worker if she could take on the Gallagher kids) is a sign that they need to step things up? I mean, that is not how anything works, V. Slow down a tad.

I feel like the pacing on the "Kev and V want a baby" arc has been all over the place. I love Kev and V and this storyline could have been a wonderful and effective one, but it's so mishandled at various times, and this episode was the most egregious case of that. Partly because I hate the story, but mostly because it is at least five minutes of this episode that could have been used much more effectively.

So overall this is a very middling episode. There's some effective stuff, particularly with Fiona. There's some stupid offbeat comedy moments. And those feel especially bad and ill-timed when it gets set against Ian and Mickey's horrific ordeal. And while I love angst and drama, I wish Ian and Mickey got to just... Be happy for a while. Like, his dad finding out at some point was kind of inevitable, and so maybe that was always going to be a part of their story. I don't think Shameless or Gallavich would be as effective if it shied away from terrible things happening. But having something horrific happen to Mickey every time he has a moment where things are looking good between him and Ian is just... 😭😭😭. You fuck the boy, you get shot. You get comfortable with the boy, you get found out by his dad. You kiss the boy, you get shot. You have a lovely date night, you get... At a certain point it gets pavlovian and it makes me even more sad for 3.11/3.12 Mickey. 

But that's all still to come... Lots to go before that, and 3.07 has the courtroom scenes that I adore, so looking forward to that.

[katies-anonymous-post-box]

Here, have a long chunk of a WIP I have.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something. You seem really close to that guy, Milligan. Is he your dad or something? Why's he so sad all the time?" 

"Oh." Lee put down his cracker. "I guess I should tell you. The time was never really right, but I think you should know. Milligan's story and mine...they're almost exactly the same." 

Kate turned sharply to look at him. "You mean you also woke up strapped to a metal chair, blindfolded, then jumped into the bay and got your ankle bitten by an eel?" 

"Well, okay. Not exactly the same." He sighed and leaned against the bed. "I actually woke up a few days before Milligan escaped. I also woke up strapped to a chair with no memory, but I wasn't bruised. Everything hurt for me too, but it was more of a...dull pain, the kind that starts in your muscles when you work out too much, and I was tired. So, so tired. The people came to me asking questions about what I remembered, and I think I said I remembered everything about myself. When they asked for details, I said that I was as old as I was, my name was none of their business, sassy stuff like that."

He chuckled, but it sounded dry. "When they slapped me, I tried to bite them. Not that it worked, with my head strapped to a chair, but it's the effort that counts. Eventually, they pulled me out of the chair and took me to a small room. It didn't have much, just a bed that felt as hard as cement and a change of clothes, but something in me said it was the best I had gotten for a very long time. I don't even know why I thought that, and I don't think I want to know. I spent a few days being a household keeper. Making food, mopping spills, cleaning the bathrooms, and so on and so forth. I knew I had to get out. I just didn't know how. 

"And then one day, I heard an announcement. I was outside, sweeping a pathway, and by some stroke of luck, nobody was out with me. It said that someone had escaped and that all us Helpers - that's what we were called by the way - were supposed to stay inside until the crisis was over. I didn't listen, of course, just dropped my broom and ran. Soon, men in gray were spilling out the doors trying to find them, and I knew that they were my escape. I must have been a fighter before I was taken there because when I pulled one of the Grays into a side building, muscle memory kicked in and I was able to knock him out. I put on his clothes, got on a boat, and left the island." He paused, taking a few deep breaths. "When I reached the dock, I saw Milligan climb onto the shore. Even though I was in a captor's uniform, he must have known I wasn't one of them because he let me carry him away from the beach. We spent the next few weeks in the city before making our way to Mr. Benedict's." Lee closed his eyes as he finished his story. 

"Wow." Kate shook her head in amazement. "That was a lot." 

"Yeah, yeah. It's not as interesting as I make it seem. I don't remember much at all." He didn't look at Kate, instead choosing to look at the floor. The smile had slid off like a mask, revealing a melancholy look like Milligan's.

"Well...I have one memory left. But it's really fuzzy." He fidgeted with the lining of his jacket. "I'm running with another boy next to a beach. Whenever I try to think of his face, I always see mine, not sure why, but I think we were close. The sun was hot, but the other boy was wearing a jacket, and I think I was wearing a T-shirt like yours. I remember he called me Lee, but it was short for something. Leroy? Leo? Leland?" He looked off into the distance, lost in thought. Tears started beading at the corner of his eyes again, and this time he didn't even reach up to wipe them. 

@phtalogreenpoison this you?

Whoever it is, this is amazingly written 👀

[l3sbianomens]

I wrote this monstrosity a month or so after good omens 2 released. I had a lot of thoughts about the final scene bouncing around in my head and I had to get them out. So for my zero followers, here you go. Spoilers ahead.

Good Omens season 2 has genuinely impacted my life. I can't remember a time I've ever been so invested in a story. This hyperfixation is so different for me, and it's so fun. I didn't have the same kind of reaction that I did to other hyperfixations of mine, like TLOU and ST. I didn't yell at my screen, pleading for the life of a character I loved. I wasn't heaving and wiping snot from my face. I didn't cover my mouth with my hands. I just sat in silence. With my heart in my throat. It felt like whiplash. My face had been sore from smiling so hard. And then the last 15 minutes I could feel my brows furrowing closer, inching together. My cheeks no longer hurt. But my forehead did. I had the climax of The Scene spoiled, but I didn't know the context. So the further I got into the final minutes, I was more and more confused. Crowley was going to take Aziraphale to the Ritz for breakfast, okay this is good. Nina and Maggie show up, and finally, FINALLY, knock some sense into Crowley. All those things you've got pent up inside? You have to tell him. You can't keep avoiding it. You have to communicate for once in your life. Now's your chance. Tell Aziraphale how you REALLY feel. My heart started beating out of my chest. I was spinning. Crowley is going to confess.

But then Aziraphale came back to the bookshop. And barreled over Crowley. "Hold that thought!" And spoke and spoke and spoke. And my heart started its downward spiral into the pit in my stomach. There's no way. He can't, can he? Watching the horror spread across Crowley's face as Aziraphale speaks. Then the first dagger hit "Tell me you said no! Tell me you said no!?" And when Crowley started to speak? My heart raced with each word that was spoken. The microexpressions, the pacing of the dialogue, the emotion you can hear in their voice. I'm sure Crowley had spent the time Aziraphale was still gone after Nina and Maggie left deciding what he wanted to say. But then everything changed. It was no longer just a confession. He was pleading his case to the lone juror. "And I would like to spend- hmm" The dagger twisted in my chest as I watched the tears beading on his waterline, threatening to spill over onto his cheeks (David Tennant I am in your WALLS for that) as Aziraphale with tears in his eyes says "Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever" The dagger didn't just twist, it was pulled out nearly all the way, and shoved back in. "No... No I don't suppose it does." Then Crowley puts his glasses come back on, and walks away. And Aziraphale realizes what's happening. He begs and begs. He even insinuates that Crowley has misunderstood. But Crowley? Crowley understands exactly what's happening. Their love for each other does not absolve the fact that heaven is no place for Crowley, for either of them really. He won't compromise himself, not again. He won't go back to heaven. And Aziraphale shouldn't either.

And then Crowley says the line that made me realize there was really no going back. We had started a swan dive into the deep end. "That's the point. No nightingales" And honestly? I think that line hurt just as much as "Nothing lasts forever" for me, because A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square didn't just signify the happy ending from season one for us, the viewers. It was playing at the Ritz. It wasn't just for the fans, for the joke of a nightingale really singing in Berkeley Square. It actually HAPPENED for them. To Crowley and Aziraphale. The two of them experienced it with us. It meant something to them, too. Aziraphale's face says it all. And then what I had been waiting for, the moment I had completely warped in my mind, it happened. "You idiot. We could have been...us." Aziraphale had to physically look away, and I felt like I COULDN'T look away. I could feel the knife going for its final twist. The music swelled, I could feel it in my bones that this was a moment I would never forget. It wasn't what I had expected. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't think we'd get ANY of this. Not a confession, not the additional context of their lives together. A season of so much joy. I'd been laughing and smiling and kicking my feet for fucks sake! I didn't expect us to get anything. But I ESPECIALLY did not expect what I got. Crowley takes three steps. Nothing was the same after those three steps.

The absolute force at which Crowley kissed him felt like it knocked ME back. Watching Aziraphale panic, the pain in his eyes. The confusion. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't decide whether to hold on or let go. He eventually closes his eyes but he can't decide where to place his hands. Whether to grip on for dear life. And then they pull apart. The look on Aziraphale's face is burned into my corneas. His shaky gasp. His eyes darting as he tries to process what just happened. And then the final twist of the knife before it was ripped from my chest, "I-I..." the shift in Aziraphale's face here? Haunts me. (Michael Sheen I am in your FUCKING WALLS for that). And then? "I forgive you" and Crowley's face, unchanging since they pulled apart, saying "Don't bother" while walking away. And the knife was ripped from my chest, not clean, though. It's twisted on the way out, too. Maximum carnage.

And then, of course, a new knife appeared. Because I could see every emotion washing through Aziraphael. The knife twisted when I saw the tears in Aziraphale's eyes, shakily exhaling as Crowley retreated. And then, it twisted again. Because Aziraphale reached for his lips, to feel where they'd just touched Crowley's for the first time. His eyes widen, brows raising as the shock set in. And then, when he pulled his hand away? The anger had set in. He looked fucking angry. He looked how I felt, that "It wasn't supposed to happen like THIS. Not like this." look. That's how I looked, too. This whole season, Aziraphale was so much more open with his love for Crowley. In gestures, in words, in glances. He's spent millenia watching humans fall in love, reading about love, and eventually falling in love himself. He'd just spent the last few days doing everything in his power to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love. He watched Beelzebub and Gabriel leave, happy, and together, and in love. I nearly jumped out of my seat when he grabbed Crowley's arm, as Gabriel and Beelzebub finally hold onto each other. Aziraphale realized that his love for Crowley was possible. An angel and a demon could BE together. It happened in front of him. He had just planned the whole night for Nina and Maggie, sure. But Aziraphale planned it for him, too. He told us as much when he and Crowley were discussing ways to make Maggie and Nina fall in love. Dancing, realizing you had misunderstood each other. His first plan had already been ruined by Shax appearing. And then Gabriel and Beelzebub happen. And the wheels started to turn. This was his chance. Even better than before because they had just seen an angel and a demon go off together and not be stopped. It was possible for them now. They had a shot.

And of course, the fucking Metatron appeared. Because of course he did. This was all his plan. He knew Crowley would say no. He had to have known. There was nothing in the coffee. There were no threats. And how did he know? Well, he was the one to get Crowley cast out of heaven of course. He tells us as much. "Always did want to go his own way, asking damned fool questions" He is the voice of God. To speak to him is to speak to God, or so he says. So Crowley spoke to him. And the Metatron did not like what he had to say. He knew that Crowley would never come back. He ESPECIALLY knew that, being the one to appoint a traitor to be the next Supreme Archangel. The one who went native. Soft, but pliable, or so he thinks. The one with little faith in heaven but full faith in the almighty. And that was enough. He knew that was enough. Because he also knows that Aziraphale and Crowley together are too powerful. Why else would the score have changed when he got Aziraphale to go with him to chat? Why else would he have looked relieved when Aziraphale got into the elevator? He needs them to be separated, for whatever reason. I don't have any specific theories besides them being too powerful together.

[goosebjd]

Completely forgot to post my update!

I've been working on some clothes (specifically a dress)!

More details about what exactly I'm making and my evil, evil plans under the cut! ^^

Unfortunately the pattern didn't have nearly enough hem allowance, the sleeve holes were too small for MH doll hands, and the skirt itself is too short to use as a dress like I'd imagined, but!!! I have fixed most of these issues via winging it on the fly.

The sleeve holes? widened with judicial use of scissors and sewn together far beyond what was actually supposed to be attached. And I hemmed the open edge of the sleeves differently so there was more space there too.

The skirt length? ... Can't fix that it's too short, but I'm planning to make a ruffled underskirt of some kind and maybe some shorts to go under it.

The hem allowance being incorrect? As I'm hand-sewing this whole thing, thankfully I can just decrease the size of the hem a smidge to hopefully not completely botch how the dress will look at the end.

Another plus is that this dress is a wrap-around type, similar to a yukata or kimono (where it's held together by a belt at the front and the left and right front sides are meant to overlap), so I have a bit more wiggle room when it comes to the hem allowance.

I'm thinking I'll dig around in my odds and ends for some pretty ribbons to put around the edges and maybe a few beads as decorative pieces.

For the belt... I believe I have some colorful petersham ribbon (some that's specifically a very similar shade of pink?), which is what I plan to use.

I think for sure the next time I make this I'll be changing the makeup of the sleeves because I want it to look more similar (in both appearance and structure) to a real yukata. I will probably also be lengthening the skirt and increasing the amount of fabric used for the same reason. I might take it one step at a time, though, since this is my first time doing doll clothing for dolls with hard bodies (as opposed to stuffed animals, haha).

Oh yeah, I've also started on repainting her makeup, but with acrylics! No pics yet because I'm not far enough for it to look good, haha.

[sukaitsuriarchive]

Megami Tensei [SNES] livetweet thread (2/2)

oh absolutely

~

when npcs talked about hidden doors i panicked thinking i was gonna get into another time-consuming bullshit à la strange journey but it's pretty straightforward actually. our little friend will tell us when we walk into the right room

i'm curious what its name is in japanese because the only ruth result i'm seeing on google is a biblical woman and i don't think it's rukh from the middle eastern myth either since it's supposed to be a bird lol

~

here's our OG cu. when he hid his beauty under a chunky armor

man it's funny how this perspective made the demons look tiny as fuck. pocket-size cu

~

okay NOW we can finally move the fucking on

~

We Have Reached ENDGAAAAAAME

you don't go outside in MT since the whole game happens inside-dungeon but they still have an overworld map (seen in the 3rd pic) where you can check which floor you're at and have an idea of how far you are progressing. the type of feature that truly makes sense in a nes game

~

oh lord. there he is

MT sure had a lot of myth figures that made a meaningful comeback in smtiv/a aside krishna... minotaur, medusa (these two even exactly as the first two bosses), dullahan, izanami herself, seth, mephisto, baal and a miserably small beelzebub

~

logged in SMT real quick to remember why i barely used the heroine as a healer there and oh yeah... MT is super scarce with items to the point it doesn't give you any kind of potion whatsoever meanwhile in SMT you're constantly fuming trying to get rid of them because almost every enemy drops them and the encounter rate is insane so in like 3 steps your item list reached the limit

i feel bad for yumiko because even at maximum MAG her sp only goes until 99 and diarahan is like 10. poor girl gets drained hard and can't multi-attack while the SMT heroine is living the life using beads and guns

~

nakajima: hahaha yeah man xD

this feels the equivalent of playing the pacifist route of undertale right after a genocide run

~

~

i love how even for a happier outcome than the original they still went ahead and fucked everything right at the end

and THAT'S IT for the first megami tensei folks! they don't even show the credits and instantly throw us to the sequel. very cool transition tbh

~

oh so they were pretty self aware of nakajima acting ooc in the game

it's funny to imagine them not considering retouching the script even in later versions and just going "darn if you wanna see his schizo moments go read the books then"

END

[jimintomystery]

Byakuya headcanons

[Above: When you tell them to stop being poor but they keep doing it anyway]

Took me a while to warm up to this twerp. Then again, I have some experience with finding the charm in smug aristocrats in unlikely found family situations...

This is kind of an easy one, but I like to think Byakuya has more affection for his surviving classmates than he cares to admit. They all know that, to one degree or another. So they put up with him treating them like lowly employees, and he puts up with them treating him like an equal.

Byakua spends a good chunk of Trigger Happy Havoc biding his time, waiting for the right moment to "win" the Killing Game with the perfect murder. The fourth trial changes his mind, and after that everyone pretty much lets bygones be bygones. But Byakuya's never forgotten what he intended to do, or how thoroughly he planned it. The closer he gets to the others, the more it haunts him, and he doesn't talk about it.

I don't have any specific ideas about what sort of murder Byakuya was planning. But when I watched chapter five I became certain he was the killer, until the twists at the end. The timeframe of the murder largely depends on Toko's testimony, and it conveniently forces Makoto and Kyoko to break each other's alibis rather than work together towards a common goal. So I'd imagine Byakuya's perfect crime would look something like that.

I'm a big fan of the way Dan Avidan voiced Byakuya in the Game Grumps play-through. Nothing against the actual official voice actors for the character, of course. But after he gets the hang of it, Dan does this low, almost growly thing that adds so much seething contempt to the dialogue. For me it's the missing piece that elevates the character from Draco Malfoy to Baron Zemo.

Upon escaping the Killing Game, Byakuya thinks he's the leader of the gang. He is not. It's just easier to let him believe that nobody else can make a decision without his approval. What keeps this dork squad running smoothly is that he's not a complete tyrant, since he respects Makoto and Kyoko for their insight.

Byakuya is sharp enough to pick up on Makoto and Kyoko's feelings for one another, arguably before either of them do. On the other hand, he doesn't actually expect them to act on those feelings. (Byakuya does not read my fanfiction.) From his point of view, it'd be like if his gardener made a pass at his attorney--it'd never work out, and he wouldn't want either of them to get hurt, and more importantly it would reduce their usefulness to him personally.

It's hard for me to get a bead on Byakuya's relationship with Hina or Hiro, beyond the fact that they're all in the larger group. The lazy approach would be that they're not close to each other but they all have Makoto in common. But to me the interesting thing about this found family is the idea that everybody has a special attachment to everybody else, even if we only see them being rude to each other. So I choose to believe Byakuya has a unique bond to Hiro and to Hina, and I just have to keep digging to identify it.

Along those lines, I want to believe Byakuya cares--at least a little--for Toko. Don't get me wrong--he obviously despises the way she moons over him in front of everybody. And I'm hardly convinced he reciprocates her romantic feelings. However, Toko is a masochist that takes every compliment as an attack, and Byakuya is very observant. If he wanted to be nice to her, he'd treat her exactly the way he does treat her, and nobody would know the difference. (Well, Kyoko could figure it out, but I'm not sure she'd give a shit.)

I am intrigued by the fact Byakuya's family is part of some secret cabal that controls (controlled?) the world, which gives him access to a library full of secret knowledge he reads for fun. Kind of like when I read Time Life's Mysteries of the Unknown. I think he should have a peculiar interest in Atlantis or something goofy like that. Hmm, maybe that's how he bonds with Hiro...

I like the idea of the survivors going underground immediately after THH, and getting by on their own for a while before the Future Foundation locates them. To that end, I imagine them leaning on Byakuya's Illuminati-type shit. Like, his family had some secret underground bunker set up for the end of the world, so we might as well see if it's still intact. I also wonder if the troops he led in Danganronpa 3 were assigned to him within the Future Foundation or his own private army from his connections to the cabal.

Obviously a lot of these are still pretty half-baked. Maybe if all goes well I'll find ways to refine them...

[totiredtowrite]

Requests open? Bet.

What if Yamaguchi or Hinata(you pick) are trans and no one knows(unless it’s Yamaguchi cuz you know Tsukki knows), and reader is like the big brother of the team(got that laid back personality) so Yamaguchi/Hinata goes to him and is like “hey I got something important to tell you” and tells him that they’re trans but too scared to tell the rest of the team because they think the team won’t except them, readers like “thank you for trusting me” or something like that. Next day reader calls for a meeting and is just casually like “I’m trans.” to show Yamaguchi/Hinata that the team will except them. Tanaka and Noya are like “really bro??” and readers like “yeah man here’s my binder” and Suga and Daichi come over like “YOURE WEARING YOU BINDER DURING PRACTICE???” and readers like “waIT NO ITS A SPORTS BINDER”

idk just thought it was cute

🎆-anon

Trust

Warnings - Mentions of dysphoria, cursing, Female Readers Do Not Interact

Note: *lipbite*

Male Reader

Hinata doesn't get very nervous easily.

He's a huge ball of sunshine, the energy he carries with him comparable to that of Bokuto.

Naturally though, even the most confident of us have to have their low points every now and again.

Hinata actually wasn't so sure why he was here, standing in front of your classroom with shaky hands. True dysphoria was getting kind of bad lately, but the sudden decision to tell one of his teammates was a little much right?

Even so, if he was going to tell anyone, he supposed you were the best option. Seeing as you had no strong opinions about much, you seemed like the easiest to talk to.

Before he could reach up and open the door, it slid open. A girl (very clearly from your class), looked down at Hinata in surprise. Obviously she was wondering what exactly a first year was doing in front of the classroom. "Uh," she laughed awkwardly, "Are you looking for someone?"

Hinata nodded his head so fast she thought he would break something crucial. "Is (l/n) here?" He said it a little louder than intended, but it didn't phase her.

"Oh, yeah he's in there." She steps aside to awkwardly leave his general vicinity and quickly advance down the hallway.

Hinata entered almost instantly after she left, unaware of the few people left in the classroom before darting over to where you were sitting.

It took you a second to notice him standing there. "Oh- Hey little guy," You gave him a lazy smile.

"(L/n) I have something very important to tell you," He spoke in a rushed tone, a bead of sweat dropping from his forehead and his face flushed. You just raised your brows, giving him a nod to continue.

Shoyo stood there, his face scrunched up for a few moments.

"Well, uh, I'm..." He takes a deep breath. "Trans...gender," He got quieter.

You shrug. "Nice. Why'd you tell me first?" You put your notebook in your bag and got up, getting ready to walk to the door. Shoyo followed you, disbelief written all over his face at just how casual you were.

"I dunno, I'm just scared of telling the others," he looks down with a small frown.

"Why?"

"What if they kick me off the team or something?" Hinata nervously fidgeted with his hands.

You pause for a second at the door. "Thanks for telling me little guy," you ruffle his hair. "If you need anything you know where to get a hold of me," you point to your phone with your other hand with a smile.

Hinata nodded, standing still in place as you walked off. That went a lot smoother than he actually expected it to. And a lot faster. He clutched the front of his uniform jacket, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. E for effort though, the shaking didn't really subside. It's so weird how he can still be so nervous even after telling you and getting a good response.

On the bright side though, it felt nice to finally tell someone.

🂠🃑🃁🂱🂡

Random club meetings really weren't all that common. Of course that's why it was a surprise when you called everyone to the gym for something.

Hinata was nervous, again.

It was just a coincidence right? You surely wouldn't out him to the team. Still, an ominous out of the blue meeting the day after he'd come out to you couldn't be a coincidence.

He was nervous all the way there. He found himself clutching the front of his shirt out of habit, his binder suddenly seeming tighter than normal. You wouldn't. There's no way. You're the most calm understanding guy he knows, you'd never out him!

He was starting to drag his steps out slowly, trying to make it to the gym as late as possible. He knows that his fear is unreasoned, but it's hard to stop being afraid once he has it in his head.

He couldn't stall any longer. The door was foreboding by all means, though he couldn't bring himself to ditch. He needed to know what you were going to do.

"(L/nnn)," Hinata heard and recognized Nishinoya instantly. "Why are we here?"

You looked up startled. "Everyone's here?"

Kageyama pointed at Hinata standing in the door wordlessly.

"Oh. Cool." You stood up from where you were seated on the ground, stretching slightly.

"Seriously though, why are we here again?" Ennoshita cocked his head to the side.

"Just thought I'd tell you something," you casually smiled.

Hinata stopped breathing.

"Well? Get on with it," Tsukishima rolled his eyes, pulling his headphones down to let them rest around his neck.

You scoffed at him. "I'm trans."

Tanaka turned to you with wide eyes. You just nod at him. Shoyo blanked. What? There's no way.

Tsukishima scoffed. "This is what you called us here for?"

"Yep," you hit him on the shoulder gently.

Sugawara laughed. "Well you didn't have to be worried."

"I wasn't," you rolled your eyes with a smile.

"Seriously though?" Noya looked at you quizically.

"Again, yeah." You lifted your shirt. "I'm wearing a binder." It was (colour), cut just above your belly button.

Daichi crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "You're wearing a binder during practice?"

You dropped your shirt looking rather scared. "It's a sports binder! Promise! Ehehe," you awkwardly trailed off under Daichi's gaze.

Hinata smiled at you brightly. Any fear or nervousness that had clouded him was gone.

Truth be told, he found it inspiring. You passed so well. If you could do it, he could do it for sure. He stood, (practically surrounded by flowers), as you nervously explained to Daichi that your binder was safe for practice. Maybe he'll come out to the team too. That's going to take some time though.

The simple narrative is that in the end it's his choice to make, as is yours. When the people around you don't make you feel pressured to do anything or say anything, you know you've found some good ones.

Hinata's not going to let any of you go any time soon.

[haydewan]

Please watch this and tell me what you think about

https://cinematicsstuff.tumblr.com/post/690782439092764672/boyfriends-bestfriends-sending-coded-messages-to

Also, for Ewan touching his wedding ring during other solo interviews, I wonder if he's not doing it with Hayden in mind.

I may be crazy, but I also wonder if Ewan's marriage to Mary Elizabeth winstead isn't a PR stunt to hide Ewan and Hayden's marriage ?

I know it's a bit crazy, but I can't help wondering, especially since, when the Obi-Wan Kenobi series was released, Lucas Film offered a product: two alliances, one being that of Obiwan and the other that of Darth Vader. Yes, it's probably to promote the series, but I wonder if it wasn't a way for the team behind Lucas Film to show that they support them?

I'm probably going to far away but well, I can't help it 😅

Well hello there! Thank you for your kind words, I very much appreciate it☺️

Here are my thoughts:

The touchy-touchy

I’m 99.99% sure that’s a bracelet Briar made for him, it’s colourful, vibrant, childish, with beads and stuff, very handmade look. I’m not an expert in body language, so I tend to not read too much into it and I don’t think most of the movements have any specific intentional meaning. I’m sure everyone does this from time to time, like I’ve been wearing a Marvel-related necklace for years, sometimes I touch it and think: “Wow, I really love this necklace”, but other times I touch just to adjust it or make sure it’s in the right place. Still, I could be wrong. Maybe it’s not my area of expertise, I’m just a simple gal trying to make my way in the fandom. Don’t rule out any possibility tho, however small it might be.

The PR stunt

I don’t know a lot about how Hollywood PR works exactly, but this one doesn’t look like one to me. From the “reality point of view”, it started long before he and Hayden reconnected, then got really ugly really quick, it was an utter disaster. But again, if it really were a stunt, wouldn’t it be a bit too much to add a shared child into an already complicated chaos? I mean with all the property and custody issues, that’s too high of a cost and stake so it wouldn’t make much sense. One thing I find really interesting tho is Hayden was in LA on April 21, just before the wedding(April 23), I wonder if he got invited👀

Also, the Kenobi press tour basically started right after the wedding and the first two stops were Germany and UK, which made it look like a European honeymoon for these two. Now that I think about it, this theory actually makes an awesome fanfic idea, I’ve never thought this way but it could totally work!🤯

The rings

I would very much like to meet the genius designer who thought “Obi-Wan and Darth Vader themed wedding bands, what a great idea!” Unfortunately, this is just another co-branding strategy to promote the show and sell more merchandises. If anything, Lucasfim was merely showing support for Obikin/Vaderwan, not the actors, otherwise both their agencies would have to pay Disney and Lucasfilm huge money to do so. Sorry if I come off as negative and disappointing, but the corporation is all business, like the Kenobi-inspired vehicles collaborated by LFL and Volkswagen(VW sponsored the show), they even got Doug Chiang to spend six weeks designing it and had Ewan over to visit their factory in Wolfsburg.

The Vanity Fair interview

Here you go, you must’ve read it before. It’s one of, if not my most favourite interview ever. It uses their real-life relationship as the entry point, weaving together the developing process of the show and the character dissections, bit by bit, tells the story of how they reunited and returned to the characters, so beautifully written and full of small details, it’s like the wildest dream come true.